I show empowered, freedom-loving women how to get lasting love from an above average alpha male.
Is your picker broken?
Does it seem like the men you like always turn out to be jerks?
Like the last guy you were with.
It’s not like he started off being such an ass. It’s just that after he got comfortable, he started to show his true colors.
Cutting you off when you speak. Being rude at every opportunity. Trying to control you in various ways.
Too bad it was too late. You already had feelings for him. You were already bonded.
So you end up dating, committing to, and sometimes even marrying that jerk.
Literally wasting months and years of your life.
Why did you do it?
Is it you? Is your picker broken?
I’m going to keep it short and to the point today.
You’re attracted to jerks because you’re attracted to alpha males.
(Not all alpha males are jerks by the way, more on that later…)
Your physical chemistry with the jerk is natural and there’s nothing you can do about it. Attraction is not a choice. It’s just the way things work in the animal kingdom. Survival of the fittest. Only the strong survive. It’s built into our DNA.
No matter how evolved, intelligent, and conscious you develop yourself to be, you are still a human animal. At a core biological level, you are pre-programmed from the factory to respond to the alpha.
So although you often “know better” than to date that guy, you do anyway. Something draws you to him like a moth to a flame.
He Has Potential
Now the term “alpha male” is often misunderstood and comes with a negative charge. Being alpha does NOT mean being domineering, controlling, or rude.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Simply put, when you see a man acting like a jerk, he is being immature.
Immature in a sense that many of the negative qualities of the jerk are seeds of hidden greatness. Yes, he really does have “potential”. You may never see that potential realized, but it’s there.
He has to mature and develop those seeds himself. That’s his Hero’s Journey.
You’re just seeing him through a window of a specific range of his life timeline.
The easiest way for me to explain this to you quickly is to compare and contrast some key qualities of the Immature Alpha Male vs the Mature Alpha Male.
From A Boy To A Man
Ok so, immature quality on the left, mature on the right.
• Ego driven >>> Purpose driven
• Easily aggravated >>> Calm, cool, and collected
• Aggressive >>> Assertive
• Homophobic >>> Comfortable in his sexuality
• Controlling of his flock >>> Protective of his flock
• Must be breadwinner >>> Provider and partner
• Leads by force >>> Leads by example
• Other men want to fight him >>> Other men want to be him
So you can probably see now the not-so-subtle difference between the behaviors of two different men who could be king.
The more qualities he exhibits to the right, the more mature he is. And vice-versa.
Now it’s quite normal for a man to start life on the left side then work his way over to the right.
As a young man, he’ll likely be in his “immature alpha” stage of development. That’s where the bullies, frat boys, and players come from.
(The reason for their behavior comes from an unhealed emotional wound from childhood. I’ll go deeper into this in a future article.)
Then over time, he’ll experience, learn, and grow to become a mature man of integrity deserving of respect. This is what I call a “real man”, and we come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.
As you may have noticed, not all of us grow into our mature man stage by a reasonable age.
You still see 70-year-old men acting like bullies. You see 60-year-old men having sexist “guy talk” on a hot mic. You see 50-year-old men having several girlfriends and a permanent fear of commitment.
So we don’t all make it.
But many men do evolve. Each at their own pace.
It’s Not Your Picker, It’s Your Timing
To wrap it up, if you’re attracted to a jerk, often it’s not the wrong guy, but the wrong time. He just might become that awesome man worthy of you at some point in the future.
Now whether he evolves or not while you two are together is up for grabs. So you may or may not see it.
But, there’s a much deeper reason why you’re attracted to that man while he’s in his immature phase.
He’s a perfect reflection of some immaturity in you.
Again, immaturity comes from an unhealed childhood wound.
If you can see how the jerk you’re attracted to is a reflection of a suppressed part of you, you have just discovered the master key to personal development through relationships!
The cool thing about the crappy side of relationships, is the things that trigger us the most are exactly what we need to become aware of, accept, and appreciate about ourselves so we can heal.
Only then can we truly become the best version of ourselves as possible.
So thank that attractive jerk for being your perfect mirror. Even if it’s through gritted teeth.
Appreciate that he’s in your life to help you grow.
And that my friend, is how you make lemonade out of pain and Elevate Above The Game of dating, love, and relationships.