In Order To Stop Dating Jerks
One moment he’s totally into you. Then out of nowhere he’s flirting with your server at the restaurant, right in front of you. He disappears for a couple weeks only to show up unannounced at your door at 4 AM looking to get lucky. Let’s get real, is there a chance you’re attracted to total jerks?
It might be a good time to start saying “No” to people who don’t appreciate you and always seem to want something. You need to deactivate that magnet you have towards toxic relationships. This might have started with all those romantic comedies providing the fictionalized idea that someone is horrible to you because he’s afraid of showing his feelings. The best example of this falsehood is Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. He’s rude, disdainful, arrogant, and downright mean to the protagonist. And yet by the end he’s the sweetest, kindest, most loving walking-through-a-morning-field man you’ve ever seen.
This situation is not likely to happen in real life. People can change, but it won’t be because or for someone. It needs to be a decision of one’s own. So stop trying to fix these dudes and start looking out for yourself. Here are 5 things you need to do in order to stop finding these guys.
Stop believing you have the power to fix/change someone
Okay, so you’re drawn to bad boys with complicated lives. It’s understandable if you want to feel something extraordinary and different, but then what? Will you carry on putting up with his unexpected moods swings? Maybe you think it will get better, that you’ll be the one to open his eyes and send him in the right path. But that’s not optimism, that’s just naïvety.
Stop meeting people through social media
You can’t be surprised something not ending well if it never started on the right foot. Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter are not the place to meet people. Let’s not even count Tinder, which is only full of dudes desperate for a one night stand. These prospects will hide behind an edited photo and some clever words. They’ll start off as nice guys and won’t show their true faces until you’re in too deep.
Stop settling for less and know your worth
Your whole life you’ve felt like you’re not enough. You’re not as attractive, interesting, or even as smart as someone else. That’s just negative talk. Your soul is as worthy and unique as anyone else’s. Jerks seem to have a radar to find women who feel undeserving. They latch onto your vulnerabilities in order to have someone who will put up with their mess. Learn to value and love yourself instead of searching for a dude that will use it against you.
Don’t let one bad relationship ruin everything
After one, two, or ten toxic relationships, your brain has made it a pattern to selecting men who don’t know how to love. Stop being pigeonholed into choosing the wrong guy and start being proactive in finding better men.
Learn to say no
Discover what you actually like, want, and hope for you and your future. It’s not selfish to want your own space, to not be always available, or even to make plans that don’t include him. You are completely free to say no and he should respect that. It’s healthy to set limits in a relationship from the beginning. Both of you should work together and set individual goals as well as joint ones.
Stop looking at that jerk as a love option. Find someone who truly sees you and who you feel safe with. Search for true happiness, not for someone who’s just there to fill a void. Once you see you’re worth it, you’ll find a person who sees it too.
Translated by María Suárez